Save Marriage From Divorce

The first thing you must do in order to save your marriage is to stop doing the things that are harming your marriage. Easier said than done, right? Yes, but you've got to try. If it annoys your spouse, hurts your spouse, angers your spouse or alienates your spouse you've got to stop it. Obviously that doesn't mean you put up with being mistreated, but it means that whatever is in your power to do to stop the negatives you do with all your might.

The second thing you must do is start doing the things that build and strengthen your relationship. Speak kindly, but don't grovel. Compliment, but only when you can be sincere. Be appreciative and supportive. Improving the frequency of love making is often helpful unless that is a source of your problems. If that is a source of your problems, the quantity likely should not be increased until the emotional state of the overall relationship improves.

Third you must learn how to negotiate a win/win situation. Compromise should be the goal as long as what is being compromised is not your convictions or safety. Figure out how to get as close to a situation where you each get what you want as possible. Take your time and make as many decisions together as possible.

Are You Fearless Or Fearful?

You love the idea of commitment but only in the workplace. You want to commit if it would mean a promotion or a salary hike. You put such a premium on career advancement that anything less than 50 hours spent in the office each week feels like a felony. In fact, you love your work to death even though sometimes you don't get the same amount of loving in return, and all for good reason: you want your life to be a bed of roses-and flowers don't come cheap. On the other hand, you avoid discussing the issue of commitment in a romantic merger because, as you so often brazenly claim over a raised glass of martini, independence is key to your happiness.

The thread that binds you to your boyfriend or girlfriend is as retractable as a doggie leash, and dedication in your relationship only means walking Fido every now and then, and not when it's raining. Any one of the following may be your reason for your commitment phobia or why you fear being stuck to the same person for a long time or a lifetime (especially if put that way). Be honest with yourself and identify the cause of your trepidation; you'll never overcome it unless you do. The past wasn't a blast You've had your share of undesirables and all of them combined have corrupted your idea of a "happy ever after" life.

Timing is Everything

One of my blog readers emailed me last week with this question. "My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Most of that time we lived in separate cities because I was in grad school. However, when I moved to Atlanta where he worked, there was no real discussion about moving in together. He wanted to wait until we were engaged. Six weeks ago he lost his job. Last night at dinner he suggested he move into my place and that it might be time to talk about getting married. I really want to get married. However, his situation seems really unstable. What do you think?"

Plain and simple, the answer is no. He was in no mood to get married until he was going to be unable to pay rent. I think you might say something to him like this, "We have taken our relationship at a very conservative pace. I think it's clear it's a priority for both of us that we do not rush and that we are both in really stable places in our own lives before we take the next step together. I don't know what the next step is, getting married or engaged, or just moving in together. However, I do know when we take that step, you will feel better if you have your ducks in a row before we do anything. The timing just isn't right."

Silent Ways He Says I Love You

The eyes are the windows of the soul. Men's eyes sparkle when they want something. So, if you observe the sparkle, his feelings are deep. If you observe eyes that fix you admiringly, the man's feelings are profound. There are 2 types of saying ''I love you'' by means of eyes. First of all we have the glance type ''I love you'' when you are surrounded by other persons and your lover thinks that he is very lucky to have you for himself only. Then there is the other type of glance, long and persistent, a glance that you respond, a glance that shows you he is vulnerable to you charm. Do not mistake this second type of glance with the naughty one, of those men who want to make moves at you - we are talking about your lover now.

You Love Him More Than He Loves You

If you are in a relationship and you love him more than he loves you it's a bit torturous. As women we want the men we are with to be as crazy about us as we are about them. If your man seem less than enthusiastic about having you in his life, you're stuck in the middle of a conflict. Do you wait and see if things will change or do you end things and seek out another relationship in which you may feel more valued? If you truly care about him and want a future with him, there are definitely things you can do to make him fall deeper in love.

It's generally fairly easy to tell when you love him more than he loves you. Chances are that you are the one who generally initiates contact, you talk about the future and you go out of your way to do things that make his life easier. If you are guilty of these things, you need to change your behavior now. If you want your man to love you more you have to be less accommodating. You need to show him that he doesn't have your affection all wrapped up. The old idea of playing hard to get can actually work even if you're in a committed relationship.

The First Key to a Healthy Relationship

Emotional Independence is where you don't make someone else responsible for your happiness. You create it for yourself and the right partner complements you by not imposing his stuff onto you. You take charge of nurturing yourself and emanating positive loving energy. By doing so, you actually provide a role model for your guy to follow in developing his emotional independence.

Interestingly, I find that most people don't strive towards having a healthy relationship. I hear women saying they just want to be happy with their partner, or they want to find their true love, or they want to be with the man of their dreams.

Then you present yourself with clarity to your partner, thereby creating understanding in your dynamic. This forms a mature interdependence where each person is seen as an individual that is supportive of an evolving relationship.

The Relationship Journey

Relationship is a mirror - Why all of us resonate to the word "relationship" is that there is no better way to know your Self than through relationship. When we are with another person, the other person becomes our mirror - we see our reflection. The things we like become reflected back to us and the things we don't like come reflected back as well.
Journey of Self - discovery- So...you start one place and end up another. T.S. Eliot said, "It's ending up where you began but knowing the place for the first time." Each relationship gives you an opportunity to see your Self, to stop repeating self-sabotaging patterns, and refine the journey to Self-discovery. This is the human experience and we are all in this together. Through reaching out and trying to connect with another, we end up connecting with our Self, and find our way back home.